I recently left my job as acongregational rabbi。我爱社区 - 一个动态的，50岁的众一些135家，其中下属人文犹太教运动。The place, and its people, have a lot of heart, and I felt I was doing good work there.
我之所以从这个梦想中的工作辞职？我发现无法兼顾的责任我job alongside caringfor my children在Covid-19- 应变变得站不住脚。拉比的工作情绪和要求很高，通常情况下，时间极其敏感的。我在儿子的发现越来越难以说话，他们焦虑的教徒，葬礼规划，以及如何进行导航的社会疏远成年礼，而我的两个孩子，6岁和4，分别为（直译）敲我的门。很多时候，一个congregant需要一个拉比的充分重视，他们的问题，不要等到就寝后。拉比也需要感情和精神上的带宽，能够在紧张的时间坐下来，完全存在与他人。
WhileCovid-19is having devastating impacts in many, manyareas of life- 有很多other storiesof women giving up work during this time — I am becoming increasingly concerned about the pandemic’s impact on Jewish life. While others are worrying about declining党费orËngagement我很担心别的东西：是否有可能是在这些前所未有的，充满挑战的时代都拉比和母亲？
Given that we spent decades fighting for women to gain access to the rabbinate, this is an important question to ask — especially as we are still fighting battles againstsexist discrimination，骚扰和assault, and工资不平等。现在,面对突然回到有福ll-time childcare responsibilities as well as full-time rabbinic obligations, it occurs to me that women in the rabbinate are going to be significantly set back. Of course, not all women rabbis are mothers, nor are they in straight relationships. But for the many who are, I am worried.
我决定离开我的拉比的立场是复杂的，但毫无疑问，性别起到了一定作用，特别是一个现象我已经知道作为“dadulation“。我有一个美好的配偶，谁做更多家务和育儿比most men。And, yet, he experiences “dadulation”— the phenomenon of men getting applause for doing things moms typically get zero credit for — and这使人感觉不平等在我们的房子。
下面是dadulation的样子：当我的丈夫了育儿假，或当他需要我们的孩子去公园，或当他告诉朋友们，他已去煮晚餐，people fawn all over him as though he is the messiah. He hears, over and over again, what a wonderful dad/partner/person he is. And he is! Our household is much more equal than almost all others, but the truth is that the bar is少得可怜。
And so, while my husband is being congratulated and dadulated for doing stuff that should beËxpected of all men who are spouses/parents，I am struggling to balance work and home responsibilities that are still unfairly weighted in his favor. Yes, he cooks, he cleans, he takes the kids outside. But throughout our time as a couple, and certainly, as parents, I am the one who is in charge of most of the unseen and thankless tasks that maintain our lives, like making, remembering, and keeping appointments. We now have terms for this:mental loadandËmotional labor。
I am the parent who isscheduling activities，以确保我们所看到的家庭成员，策划生日派对，并保持笔直，我们参加bajillion其他生日派对 - 或者，至少，用来参加，在大流行之前。我好歹也是谁负责我们所有的财政和做的膳食计划之一。一旦Covid打我设置变焦一起玩了，与老师在线连接我们的孩子，我们对未来几周和几个月儿童保育机构沟通。
没有一次已有人评论什么是伟大的母亲，我做了这一切。没有人注意到我设法全职工作，也把我的孩子们去公园。事实上，虽然dadulation蓬勃发展，mom guiltreigns supreme.
虽然我们祝贺爸爸做（what is usually still not) equal work in the home, we are forgetting to combat the continuing在我们的犹太空间性别压迫。还有这么多的工作要做，但它是很难说服人，以获得与intersectional, feminist, anti-oppression work in Jewish spaces while people are falling over themselves to congratulate and dadulate them.
这个春天，当冠状病毒shuttered nearly every aspect of our lives, my husband and I were both working from home. He is a teacher of students with multiple disabilities. I was a rabbi to two communities — in person和在线— and I was also teaching university full-time. He was mandated to work five hours a week. My work, doing the bare minimum to keep things going, amounted to approximately 30 hours a week.
然而，不知何故，我突然负责在家上学我们的女儿。我身边挤的时间表，他为自己创建的，最大化的时候我们是最年轻的午睡黄金上班时间我的工作。如果我们在同一时间虚拟会议，他在我们的地下室办公躲在我是多任务的会议是在管理我们的孩子之一。我们从未讨论过，这是它会怎么走，但像这么多的夫妇，我们落户到熟悉动态：他需要什么，他为了做他需要做什么需要，我适应和工作在他周围。如果我们中的一个是多任务， 是我。这是为什么动？有多种复杂因素，但我们认为，我们各自的性别社会化起着显著的作用。
通过June, I was angry and exhausted. I couldn’t keep going. I was losing patience with the staff and congregants in my community. I was grouchy with my kids, and ultimately they had to come first. I had to leave my job, my beloved community, work that mattered to me, in order to be the parent I want to be and tofeel likË我again.
为什么我晒我的脏衣服在公众？由于其中一个原因是，这些性别动力非常有害的是，我们从不谈论它们。我知道很多女人谁是与男性伴侣谁是尽力成为良好的合作伙伴和父亲。他们出现;他们所做的工作。但是，因为这么多的男人吧如此之低，女性往往感到无从抱怨或说出来，当事情觉得不公平。我们是如此陷入了永久的“它可能是差这么多”的心态，我们忘了，它也可能是好多了。
If we care about gender equality within and beyond our Jewish spaces, we need to check in with women juggling multiple responsibilities,重新设计的工作场所让他们更家庭友好型的，请停止与dadulation了。
As for me, even though I left my congregational position, I continue to serve as a rabbi to我的在线社区，teach a new generation of teachers，而这些不确定的时期父母。我很感激所有的，我已经和拿去做。但是，忙里忙外，和斗争，是真实的。
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