I have a confession. I am a recovering TLC big family reality-show junkie. FromKate Plus 8to妻子姐姐to the mother of all giant family shows,19 Kids And Counting, I just couldn’t get enough of these humongous families and their ever-growing broods.
From the moment I learned I would be a mother, I became weirdly fascinated with all things related to being pregnant and raising a family. What started with a狂欢手表的I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnantsoon lead to宝宝总动员, and then to什么I could find about families. I found myself particularly hooked on the televised tales of the Duggars and other large broods. After all, I knew a show about an “average” family like mine — two adults, two kids, and none of us are named Kardashian — wasn’t going to draw the viewers.
出于某种原因，我似乎在现实生活中的大家族包围了。或者至少，在我的社交媒体供稿，在那里我碰巧知道了一些如雷贯耳的犹太家庭。作为一个犹太女人谁在皇后区长大的，我的内心和扩展圈，始终包含了许多犹太朋友。虽然我参加了公立学校，我是在BBYO很活跃，我出席了保守党Jewish camp，拉玛，10个夏天，其中两个分别用于员工。
Yet when I was in college, like many young adults, I found myself pulling away from Judaism. At the same time, however, many of my less observant Jewish friends from high school were drawn to Chabad. A solid group of my friends grew more observant over the years, adapting a Jewish lifestyle that openly embraces having an abundance of children. These days, they share pictures of smiling kids buckled in minivans, and videos of multiple double strollers being pushed through迪斯尼乐园。Every year or so, I can count on them to share the news of another baby.
虽然我们可能是联谊会的姐妹们，高中同学，或朋友露营，我们今天的生活有很大的不同。虽然我家是犹太教和我们是一个成员保守犹太教堂，我只有两个孩子我自己的，7岁4.有一个大家族从来都不是我的梦想，我无法理解处理任何更多的后代。我已经觉得我挣扎着爬在一个把手上我的两个 - 我无法想象家长如何采取五，六，甚至是10个孩子。
Yet, as I watch these reality shows, follow large families across social media, and keep up with my more religious friends’ ever-expanding broods, I wonder — just for a bit — about what my life might be like if my husband and I had more children.
I picture kids running around our yard, children playing games together, older kids helping out with household chores. I envision安息日餐full of spirit and homes packed with families for the Jewish holidays. I imagine my kids never being bored or lonely. I see a home full of love.
I fantasize about having a bigger family the way I fantasize about packing everyone up and moving to Finland. It sounds lovely in theory, but the reality is not very practical, at least not for us. Just the thought of having to upgrade from our five-passenger SUV — which I love — to aminivangives me pause. There’s also the added costs of summer camps, college education, and all the other endless expenses that come with raising children.
但是这些是superficial reasons. They mask the truth, which is that deep down, I know having more kids makes no sense for my family.
While I have a good support system, my plate is more than full. My older child is highly sensitive and demands a good deal of my attention. With my youngest now 4, the merethought的another child only entered my mind fairly recently. I was finally at peace with his traumatic birth, which involved a 30-minute labor resulting in an emergency home birth, him losing too much blood and oxygen, and me praying for his survival. And now, when I contemplated how far I was out of the diapers,late-night feedings, and other exhausting tasks associated with having a newborn, that initial thought was immediately shut down.
我的生活开始变得有意义，再次觉得我自己。这些天来，我能够做简单的差事像买菜不用拖着一个尖叫的孩子。我花我的写作更多的时间，我和我的丈夫连接更多的，我觉得更像是女人，我是我的孩子出生之前。它的可爱。
And yet, I still wonder what it might be like if I had more children. I see those posts from大家庭. The kids are often a bit disheveled, looking in different directions, as you try to get a decent picture. I see the chaos and the work, but I also see the love. Maybe it’s social media and the pressure to show a curated view of reality but, to me, those families look happy. And not superficially staged happy, but the deep happiness that comes from sharing your life with others.
当然，我知道现实是大家族的斗争，就像其他任何人。有财务问题，导航特殊需求，并希望你做正确的父母。
我也明白，电视节目和社交媒体不要告诉整个故事，并作为两个孩子家长，我永远不会明白大家族的斗争。我不知道它是什么样的店适合精打细算的一辆面包车。我不知道是什么感觉有划分多个孩子之间我的注意。我不知道是什么样子的食物，衣物，并在看似永无止境的循环洗澡的孩子。只是在想洗衣服的绝对数量是足够让我害怕。
Yet, I know some choose that life and love it. And I can admire them for it, even if that life isn’t for me.
