I am addicted to Netflix.There,I said it.“纸牌屋”、“橙色是新的黑色”、“新的女孩”…I could go on and on.
When it is late at night and everyone has gone to bed,I pick up the remote and a sense of calm washes over me.I can escape into an imaginary world and leave my daily troubles behind.
During the day,I make every effort to take care of myself.I exercise on the days that my daughter is in pre-school.当涉及到我吃什么和养家糊口时，我会做出明智的选择。我付账单，打扫房子，洗衣服，跑腿，我真的很享受我的生活。I get to spend several days week writing,and I know that is such a privilege.I am useful,and a major piece of our family puzzle.
During the evening,though,all bets are off.The TV goes on,the goldfish crackers come out,the snacks that are in the cabinet start banging on the door and there is no way to silence them except to eat them.
It is not every day,and it's not always bad food.然而，the feeling of using food to push down my feelings is one I have had since before I was a teenager.
You can be addicted to food —it may not be exactly the same as other dependencies,but the emotional aspect is similar.And there's a social stigma,too.Heavier people are seen as lazy or non-caring,and I can assure you that I am neither.I am trying to break my negative cycle and understand why I make the choices I do.
It is not easy.很明显。
I think it's because I want so much for everything to be "right." I want my husband to be happy,my daughter to be carefree and smart—and I want my family and friends to all be content as well.I want to be there for everyone and still put myself first.
那是不可能的。很明显。So when I can let go and lose control,whether with food or the TV,感觉就像是巨大的解脱。
I tell myself that binging is just not that healthy in any form,and I can't do it anymore.我得放下遥控器拿起一本书。I need to step away from the kitchen once meals for the day are done.
I do not want my daughter to grow up in a house with no food because her mom can't control herself.But I也do not want her to grow up thinking that food is bad or that eating in secret is an option.I want her relationship with food to be simpler than mine,free of the moral weight I put on food.
Part of being a parent,很大一部分，is putting the needs of your children first.所以我要提醒自己，每次我做出错误的选择，I am showing her that that choice is ok.Sometimes it may be fine,但通常,it is not.
Many people I know have addictive personalities,or trouble with self-control.在我的斗争中，我当然不是一个人。I wish more people would talk about emotional eating and how it connects to feelings of self-worth,because I think we all need reminders that we are more than our weaknesses.
I know I am.
这篇文章是Here.Now系列，which seeks to destigmatize mental health,
and is made possible by尤加联盟纽约andThe Jewish Board.
你可以找到other教育的心理健康资源 here.
