最近，我试图向一个很棒的新朋友解释“clusterf**k”这个词的含义，即使不是轻微的廉洁。It was early in the day,I hadn't slept much the night before,还有我的冰咖啡（我爱你，Dunkin Donuts,但真的，再加一点咖啡，再加一点冰）可不行。Nothing I said made much sense.她继续茫然地盯着我。
然后它击中了我。“你知道，一个簇？Like星期五night dinner?"
灯泡。We suddenly understood each other perfectly.
哦，星期五晚上晚餐.You're meant to be the highlight of the Jewish week.每天我们都会越来越接近你，我们的期望是通过清单、购物和烹饪来衡量的，然后更多的购物来获得我们忘记的东西，all of it building to a monumental crescendo of hope,promise,期望，and all of it ending in complete,unfettered,无法缓解的灾难。
简而言之，a clusterf**k.
我是作为父母写的，因为我不记得孩子们之前的星期五晚上，虽然我做不到，for the life of me,recall what a Sunday was like before it became the most exhausting day of the week.
不是所有的夜晚都那么容易，但是围绕周五晚餐的期望和希望，coupled with the complete breakdown of decorum,让我想到：Is it at all reasonable to expect Friday nights to be anything less than awful?Should I take it up with the powers that be (to whom I have zero access) and suggest changing Shabbat dinner to Sunday night,possibly at 4:30 p.m.?
它的外观如下：
星期五，my children,他们在家里和学校一周都在一起（成绩参差不齐，在两条战线上，tumble off the school bus wild-eyed and crazy.If it were up to them they would spend the next 12 to 14 hours lying on the couch eating hot dogs and cheese crackers (though not together),看十大体育节目和蹩脚的吐温节目，偶尔会有一集《卡利欧》，让我们对3岁的孩子感到满意，并提醒我们所有的孩子都喜欢看儿童节目。还有穿着工装裤、穿着高领高领毛衣、穿着马尾辫的母亲（更不用说那些极度烦人的幼童了）。活得很好（还有加拿大人）。
就在此时，however,我24小时都在疯狂购物和做饭。I am not on board with their plan.After an hour or so,I put an end to the couch-habitation and insist that they clean themselves up in some fashion and help me set the table for安息日晚宴.偶尔，one of the kids,希望能让其他孩子出现，做出圣洁的行为，并发出援助的声音。但那孩子不可避免地走得太远了。"Am I really more helpful than everyone else?" he or she asks in earshot of the couch crew,这通常会导致一场重击和晚上的第一场战斗。
第二场战斗发生在我必须对付“但我昨天洗澡”的怪物的时候。(Consequently,这通常来自最需要洗澡的孩子。）
在某种程度上,we get everyone upstairs.我们点亮了一些蜡烛，and pour some grape juice.
"She got more than me."
"Why does he always getthatcup?"
I won't dignify any of these with my responses,but at some point we get them to drink the juice and move on to the查拉，但直到我们都抱怨桌子的计划。
"I want to sit next to you." All week long nobody really wants to sit anywhere near me,但是星期五晚上的晚餐变成了一个虚拟的打击，看谁能身体爬回我的子宫。This can go on for hours,but usually ends with someone getting up and leaving the table,拒绝返回。Often,there is a slammed door.
仍然，we soldier on through the too-hotchicken soup("Why does she get two ice cubes in hers when I only got one?") and usually that's about it.因为一个孩子拒绝加入我们，所以我做的任何其他事情都很少出现，一个孩子在烛光下离开了，两个人为了葡萄汁吵了一架，然后……你明白了。
We try to talk about what they've learned in school all week,但也许“一周”还是太近了，因为它变成了一场让我们知道谁学到了最多的比赛，or really,who can talk the longest and the loudest.
Disagreements that on any other night would be shrugged off,become world wars–with each child going from zero to really pissed off in about three seconds flat.
他们吃的食物otherpeople's houses (I have actual reports,实际报告）突然无法触及，太令人反感了，需要把它从吃东西的人身上推开。Believe me when I tell you that we have been out for Friday night dinner and I have had the kids ask me to get the recipe for a dish that I myself make regularly.At least two of the kids will at least try a dish,but only after they have picked out all the things they don't like (a mushroom,a walnut–why do I bother?) and put them on the table.
哦，and of course each child (and have I mentioned that there are five of them?) makes sure to make a brief appearance at the table in order to spill something.
在某种程度上,my husband and I,left alone at the table with its sodden,污迹斑斑的桌布、丢弃的沙拉块和不需要的食物，完全困惑地看着每一个。
这是困难所在。每周我们都很惊讶。这不仅是因为以前从未发生过，but it's like it didn't just happen LAST WEEK.
Because,星期三来，我会意识到明天是星期四，也就是说星期五只有48小时了。Come Wednesday,我将在一张新的白纸上开始一个全新的清单。星期三来，我将计划一份没有人吃的菜单。Come Wednesday,我重新出生。
简而言之，I have no institutional memory.每周我都会重复歌舞伎的沙巴舞晚餐，深信本周将是我的一周。
一旦发生，我会通知你的。
喜欢这个帖子吗？Get the best of 苹果beplayKveller delivered straight to your inbox.
