我的父亲，my brothers,我最好的朋友都听过这个讲座：如果我昏迷了，看起来我没有好转，pull the plug and give away all my organs — everything that's useful.Save all the lives!
然而，如果我有机会成功，已经14天多了，make sure you bring in someone to thread my eyebrows.我知道这次谈话不正常，but then again,nobody has ever accused me of being normal.
For those of you who do not share my genetic predisposition for芝麻街是伯特·尤因克伦-嗯，first of all,我羡慕你。I have delayed dinner plans,considered bangs,并与主管就这项特殊任务的休假进行了争论。我会做的只是anything保持我的眉毛在复数。如果我躺在医院的病床上，我知道人们会来看看我的脸有多难看。
This is unacceptable.
当我20多岁的时候，I was engaged to a lovely man,一个叫拉菲的犹太教学生。He had suffered from a variety of ailments due to an underlying disorder.在我们多年的关系中，因为他需要被监控或治疗，所以有多个医院入院。但在这段时间里，我从未想过要问，“如果你要死了，你想让我们怎么办？”事后诸葛亮，as his health kept deteriorating,我真的应该问。But I didn't ask.他的家人也没有。
This,like my overgrown eyebrows,was also unacceptable.我们谈了所有其他的事情——当他带着赤字或药物回家的时候，我们需要提供的食宿，how I thought we should probably get engaged if I was going to be sleeping overnight in a back-breaking chair next to his hospital bed,how maybe it made more sense for me to be the primary breadwinner in our life together,given his hospitalizations.
When he ended up in a coma,我们不知道该怎么办。What would he want?How long would he want us to have his body be an ICU-based battleground for modern medicine?What would he want his end-of-life to look like?What about his funeral?In denial about just how sick he was,拉菲从未告诉过我们他想要什么。So family and doctors,clergy and advisors all teamed up to answer these questions as we imagined he may have answered them,were he conscious.
After nearly two weeks of adjusting what appeared to be an uncomfortable breathing tube,we learned that the medical team had left his beard untouched,假设（考虑到他的狂犬病训练），他太虔诚了，不能把它剃掉。We didn't even know we had to tell them it would be fine with him to have his beard removed for this purpose.They shaved it off within the hour of this revelation.
In the end,there was nothing more anybody could do.He was going to die,and we were doing our best to answer those end-of-life questions for him,authorizing beard removal and,后来，ventilator removal.与具有里程碑意义的Terri Schiavo案例不同的是，在这个案例中，家庭成员为是否要从一个长期处于植物人状态的妇女身上取下一根喂食管而争吵不休，所有相关各方都得出了相同的结论：是时候结束护理，避免采取英雄措施了。After a monthlong coma,after a life filled with thousands of hours teaching and inspiring,epic amounts of friendship and love,and a million what-ifs,my fiancé became my dearly,departed fiancé,dying just a few days short of his 28th birthday,and a few months short of our wedding.
In the years that followed,I have endured arguments with family members about my end-of-life wishes.我的父亲，a doctor,is practical,我母亲拒绝和我讨论这些事情。我已经表达了对Comas的感受，about terminal illness,about organ donation,关于外伤，and,当然，关于我的眉毛。None of these things are written out on paper.They are neither formalized or notarized.他们是，相反，in the brains of my father and a few of my closest friends.
它们应该在纸上。他们really应该在纸上。
人们不想考虑多余的体毛，但大多数人都同意，他们对体毛的处理是个人的选择，而且许多去除方法都是痛苦或不愉快的。那只是体毛。There are plenty more consequential decisions to make,and write down,too.如果一个人对眉毛保养有特殊的感觉，then shouldn't they also express their feelings about hospice?Palliative care?器官捐献？Medication?医学诱发的昏迷？一个人认为什么是决定创伤后生活质量的临界点？
It is painful,and sometimes nearly paralyzing,for people to talk about their own and loved ones' future deaths.但每个人都会死，你如何处理这也是一个选择。如果你不知道自己的选择，you may very well be leaving your loved ones in the lurch,伴随着一层额外的疼痛，就像你把它们留在地球上一样。
Let's all go out and get our living wills finalized,shall we?
This post is part of a series ios下载beplaysupported byMJHS卫生系统andUJA-Federation of New Yorkto
在犹太背景下提高对生命终结关怀的认识并促进对话。
To learn more about the role of hospice and its value to patients and families点击这里.
