我儿子塔米尔刚出生的时候，my identity as a new mom was all-encompassing.伴随着对我孩子出生的喜悦和庆祝，一整套新任务变得单调乏味。Feeding,换尿布，抽吸，bath,睡觉时间成了一种每天都在磨磨蹭蹭的事情，让我无法充分欣赏我生命中的这一阶段以及我作为母亲的新角色。在塔米尔之前，我是个专业人士，a wife,一个朋友，还有一个女儿。我不希望自己的所有这些方面突然淡入背景。
几个月后，I emerged from that initial baby fog,but I was still at a total loss about how to incorporate being a mom with the old,我生活中更熟悉的部分。更重要的是，when I did manage to return to work,I wasn't sure how to stay focused without feeling guilty that I was falling short as a mother.
我该怎么花时间才能真正享受我的每一个角色呢？我的第一步是认识到我需要在工作时间之间划清界限，和我儿子在一起的时候，date nights with my husband,和女朋友约会，我自己约会。
犹太人的回答
我很幸运，there was something in Jewish wisdom fromShabbat celebrationthat set guidelines to help address my questions. As a Jewish educator and founder of a consulting service that works with individuals and families to bring more meaning to their Jewish lives,looking to Jewish wisdom was something that resonated with me.
沙巴特承认甚至祝福区别。The final ceremony of Shabbat,哈夫达拉，对此非常清楚。在一杯酒,香料，还有编织的蜡烛，我们说，“感谢上帝做出的区分，在圣人和普通人之间，光明与黑暗……沙巴特和工作周的七天。”
犹太哲学家，亚伯拉罕·约书亚·海舍尔认识到区别是至关重要的，because without them,我们的日子将是反复而单调的（就像我的日子真的变了！）.他写道，“犹太教是时间的宗教，aiming at the sanctification of time… Every hour is unique and the only one given at the moment,exclusive and endlessly precious…" While Heschel's essay focuses on Shabbat itself,它给我们提供了一个更大的教训：让每一个小时都有意义，wherever you are and in whatever role you play.
Shabbat celebration not only tells us that we should make distinctions and sanctify time,但它也告诉我们怎么做。有一整套积极的戒律，或是为了提高沙巴的神圣性而做的事情——点蜡烛，bless the wine,吃一顿特别的饭，在沙巴特的早晨读《圣经》。
还有一整套的负面戒律，或者我们不应该做的事情来保持沙巴的神圣。传统上包括写作等富有成效的工作，烹饪，或者点火，现在也可以包括不上网或不接电话。
我的平衡边界
利用沙巴特仪式的这些概念，I created some guidelines for balancing and managing my time:
1.创建仪式以标记进入和退出每个新角色
就像我点蜡烛来纪念青年党的开始，当我下班回来和儿子呆在一起的时候，我现在关掉了我的黑莓手机，把我的“职业自我”放在门口。Or after I put him down to sleep at night,I have a ritual of reading the newspaper for 20 minutes or so to nourish and reclaim my "intellectual self."
2.以积极的方式使每个角色具有重要意义。
When I'm working,我试着每周花些时间在专业发展上，reading a new article or making a new professional contact.作为一个母亲，I try to initiate a new activity that will keep me attuned to my son's growth and development,或者和他一起尝试一顿新的晚餐。
3.创建一些负面声明以保持边界
当我在工作的时候，I try to refrain from doing too many things related to my son (making those Shutterfly albums can wait!).And when I'm on a date with my husband,we lay down rules like,“我们不会谈论那些让我们压力过大的事情。”这些消极的说法帮助我们摆脱束缚，这样我们就可以更容易地专注于滋养我们的关系。
The tricky thing,of course,is that while we try to create boundaries,这不完全可能。我们扮演的所有角色都是同时的。Just because I'm at work doesn't mean I stop being a mother or a wife. But when I'm conscious of the different rhythms and needs of each role,并且可以通过在它们周围设置边界来增强它们的意义，我更喜欢它们。I felt relieved to have a system of thinking that helped me discover how to spend the kind of quality of time I was looking for in my new life as a parent.
