This morning,I was cleaning out my daughter's closet in preparation for the warmer weather.Out went the winter dresses and sweaters,and in went the sundress and tank tops.
出于某种原因，just as I finished,I reached high up on to a shelf that is barely used and shuddered when my fingertips grazed a small unopened box.
I pulled the box down.There sat Gus the turtle,可爱的小夜光灯。
I remember when I got Gus.It was at my baby shower.I was about 34 weeks pregnant,and all my family and friends gathered for my party.有蛋糕和食物，还有比房子还多的礼物。We had to put some of the larger items in the garage.我的妈妈，the hostess,笑得合不拢嘴。She was on cloud nine.在我和丈夫怀孕的同时，她的儿子和妻子也怀孕了，不到一个月她就要从“妈妈”变成“祖母”两次。
Except that it did not happen that way.几周后,shortly before my due date,I felt like something was wrong.I didn't feel my daughter kick anymore.I didn't feel right.
We called the doctor and eventually rushed to the hospital and while there,learned that our baby had stopped breathing.There was nothing to be done but to deliver her stillborn.这不是我的错；不是医生的错，it just happened.An autopsy later revealed the same thing.There was no reason.
当我在医院的时候，有一家人开车到我们家，把我所有的宝贝礼物都收起来了。They took bags and bins and quickly and efficiently wiped any traces of my daughter from the house.They left the nursery intact for us to handle when we were ready.
To say that was a dark time in my life is an understatement.I was the saddest I had ever been.My husband made sure I got up every morning and bathed myself and saw my friends and family.They all held me together,the glue I did not even know I needed.我们都去了悲伤咨询，我加入了一个支持小组。ios下载beplay
Eventually,我们痊愈了。We learned to live with our daughter in our hearts,and we strived to make smart choices and decisions that would make her proud of us.One of those decisions was to adopt her baby sister a little less than two years later.
When our second child came along,we were able to reuse much of what we already had from her sister.We reassembled the crib.We dug out bags and bins from the basement.We put the nursery back together and installed her car seat back in our car.
每隔一段时间，though,我会找到让我想起我第一个女儿的东西，and I would put it in her memory box.有一个地方能让我去看那些让我想起她的小饰品和物品，真是令人欣慰。Although,to be honest,I do not look in that box all that often.It is still so very hard.
This turtle,however,discovered six years after the darkest days of my life,was somehow meant to be found by me today because it was meant for my second child to enjoy.I can't explain why,it's just a feeling I have.
I know she will squeal with delight when she sees it.I can almost picture her face now.Moments laden with memory like these have a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect them.I guess,我很想相信，that it's how you deal with the surprises that make you who you are.
