这是一个梦想 - 挑战。我的两个兄弟姐妹和我现在有完整的日历，遍布全国 - 重温我们青春的公路旅行，只存在于棕褐色的照片吗？
谈论它多年之后,我们终于it happen in summer 2016: A ten day itinerary, including San Francisco, Carmel and Yosemite National Park. But while we were excited, we also needed to acknowledge that a lot had changed since we last shared the back seat of a Ford station wagon, blissfully content with our Etch-a-Sketch, Archie comic books and a hefty bag of Oreos.
对于初学者来说，我们两个人有配偶，其利益和身体能力必须被视为 - 他们对我们无尽的百老汇展览曲调的宽容。（在我们的第10次交错后，“你不能带枪的男人，”我的丈夫可能正在接触自己的武器）。
但最大的问题是，我的妹妹是正统，一条她开始在大学里探索的道路，不少。什么是偶尔的星期五晚餐在Chabad House的晚餐，最终变成了一个穿着的磨损，Mikveh.正在进行的，三次，达维昂的Baal Tshuva-曾经恢复过Torah-Imperant Life的人。
我们的逃亡是什么意思？我的妹妹和姐夫严格保持kosher。如果没有适当的批准批准，甚至素食餐馆也是禁区。我的兄弟和我 - 谁将在中间暴雪中脱离一张温暖的床，以获得良好的烧烤 - 担心这可能会改变动态。如果整个点都在一起，我们可以将它们留给他们的沙丁鱼罐头，同时我们沉迷于四星级的餐馆？
在我们假期的优胜美地面，有关的担忧是沙巴特。从星期五到星期六晚上，打开灯光，禁止淋浴露水卫生纸 - 被禁止。我们知道我们的小屋队友不会对我们施加这些限制，但我们不确定是否觉得我们有义务让他们保留公司，剥夺徒步旅行的宝贵日。
然而，所有这一切都是一个非问题，我的妹妹鼓励我们对每个摩尔人一起品尝并击中与Gusto的小径。
That still left our biggest potential landmine: Politics. Not just Donald Trump–but Netanyahu, the two-state solution, Obamacare, the Kushners, the list was endless–and this was前选举。
In many families, the relationship between more liberal-minded Jews and Orthodox mishpochah, has frayed beyond repair. So to ensure harmony, I declared the trip a “politics-free” zone–and for most of the time, everyone complied. However, following Trump’s disparaging remarks about the family of a fallen Muslim soldier, I couldn’t help expressing my outrage, thus violating my own edict (my outburst was well worth the $20 fine).
Of course, it’s wise to have a candid discussion on rules and expectations before traveling with any group–regardless of political views or religion. Travelnig as a group calls for flexibility, especially about developments beyond anyone’s control. So, when brush fires closed a wide swath of the California coast, we quickly had to pivot and come up with Plan B. (After some negotiating, we spent extra time in Carmel.)
因为无论你如何小心地规划或者熟悉你的旅行伴侣，发生了惊喜。我可能已经与姐姐共用了18年的卧室，但谁知道她每次发现牲畜都无法抗拒“moo”出来的窗口？
尽管我的Qualms，我们得到了很多好处。对于初学者来说，将费用三种方式分成了实际优势 - 从我们的租车到住宿。我们还分开了驾驶和其他家务，如购物杂货。
But the biggest upside was the sublime pleasure of climbing into the time machine alongside my siblings. Because of this rare opportunity, we were able to relive childhood stories that could never be unearthed in a more frenzied weekend visit.
When parents have died and all you have is each other, no minutia is too trivial to hold up to the light. We reminisced about our meanest teachers, the Good Humor truck, odd neighbors and TV Westerns. (Five decades later, the theme song from “Bonanza”–a Sunday night staple–could still trigger a panic attack over unfinished homework). The discovery that our slightly buttoned-up mother’s heartthrobs–Raymond Burr, Jim Nabors and Rock Hudson–were all gay sent us roaring with laughter.
We also discussed more sobering topics that would have been unthinkable a half-century ago: The pros and cons of nursing home insurance, Botox (reasonable response or selling out?) end-of-life care (we’re stockpiling meds) and where to be buried, since we live in different cities.
当我们回到家时，很多朋友承认他们永远不会尝试这样的郊游。他们说，难以忍受与兄弟姐妹的强制假期，减少10天的自愿度假。其他人刚耸了耸肩，说他们没有与他们的兄弟姐妹们没有太多的联系 - 不是一个渐渐消失的疏远。
Their negative reactions spurred me to dig deeper into adult sibling relationships Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-based psychologist and co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families, told me that friction is common: “Families are places of finite resources–both financial and emotional,” he explained. “Children must often compete for those resources, which can create an inherent conflict.”
With the death of a parent, the bonds may loosen even more. No longer is there a need to put issues aside for Mom and Dad; no filial duty to return to the family homestead for the High Holidays or Seder. “Everybody’s busy, so it just gets easier to drift off into separate lives,” Coleman said.
我们决心不让发生这种情况。还有谁会记住我们爸爸的长期熟食？妈妈喝鸡肉和阿贾克斯代替面粉？暴风雪闭上了一周。或者在洗衣房中开始的火？
我知道很多家庭都分裂了宗教 - 不是每个人都很幸运能够拥有一个在她生命中找到和平，清晰度和精神锚的兄弟姐妹，但从未评治过你的兄弟姐妹。
但我们没有在这里开始。在早期的弗鲁姆岁月中，有很多误解和瘀伤的感情......但是，不知何故，我们设法避免奖品 - 彼此接近，联系和互相尊重。而且，毕竟，曾经被畏缩的诱导 - 说，她在高领行和裙子的游泳甚至不再登记了。
验收，事实证明，一直是我们彼此最大的礼物。
