I was a very shy kid.直到四年级，我才有足够的时间结交我的前两个“真正的”朋友。他们是我在课堂上给他们做笔记的人，the ones who I told about my crushes,那些整夜不睡的人在我睡觉的时候和我一起咯咯笑。They were also the ones who gave me my first taste of "drama." A group of three meant that someone was often left out,and,because I was the one who lived out of town and matured later—that someone was usually me.
在温暖的夜晚，他们会骑自行车到对方家里谈论他们的男朋友，while I was tucked away on my parents' farm,immersing myself in books to help take the sting out of feeling left out.
虽然我和这些女孩有很多美好的回忆，并且非常关心（而且仍然很关心）她们，我开始产生这样的想法：女性友谊是竞争性的和有问题的。在大学里，I found myself gravitating more towards male friends.我男人的友谊很有趣，affectionate,只有当涉及到“其他”情感时，才会变得强烈。我所做的几次女性友谊，通常都以一场伤感和误解的风暴而告终。
很长一段时间，I was one of "those girls." The ones who complain about "girl drama" and prefer the doting attention that comes from male friendships.Even after I got married,我保留了我的男朋友，并且经常被我们的男朋友吸引。
后来我成了一个呆在家里的母亲。The only men I saw on a regular basis were my husband and the one or two stay-at-home dads who brought their kids to story time.My options were either to develop female friendships,或者独自一人。
所以，I choked back my reservations about women and made a few female friends.As a busy mom of two boys,these friendships mostly consisted of swing-side chats at the park.We'd compare nap schedules and commiserate about breastfeeding woes,但从来没有比这更深入。We were all so consumed by new motherhood that our old selves seemed inaccessible,几乎不存在。谈论我们的孩子是我们联系的唯一方式，当孩子们开始分道扬镳时，so too did our friendships.
The birth of my daughter caused a shift in my perspective.看着这个完美的小动物，我开始重新思考我对女性意味着什么的所有看法。任何人都会用“戏剧”或“猫”这样的词来形容我女儿的紧张，sensitive approach to friendships horrified me.
Watching my daughter's friendships blossom and grow has been a learning experience for me.Yes,she does get angry with her friends,often over things that seem silly to me.But,it's because she loves them—fiercely,深深地，with her whole heart.She's not being "dramatic" when she cries because Emily played with Karen instead of her today.She's sincerely hurt.当她把索菲排除在外的时候，她并不是在“挑衅”，她担心“索菲”会再次取笑她（名字已经改了，以保护年轻人，而不是那么无辜）。
What I found when I tried to help her through these situations is that,in most cases,她自己处理得最好。She is an amazingly thoughtful,caring,devoted friend.It's not that she doesn't make mistakes.是的。In fact,only a few weeks ago she ditched her most loyal friend for the "new girl." But my warnings were not nearly as effective as the hurt she felt when her old friend rejected her after the novelty of the new girl had faded away.It took a few days for her old friend to accept her apology,and,in those few days my daughter learned more about loyalty and friendship than I could ever have taught her.
Labels are often used as shields to keep us safe.By watching my daughter navigate the messy,passionate world of female friendships,我开始意识到我是如何使用标签来保护自己的。把女性友谊称为“太复杂”是我保护自己不受他人伤害的一种方式。
In the seven years since my daughter was born,I have made a real effort to open myself up in friendships… both with my (old) male friends and my (new) female ones.这样做给我带来了前所未有的亲密和联系。It has also caused me to feel more frequent bouts of hurt and anger.I know now that these feelings are not "drama," they're simply my heart's way of protecting the relationships I care most about.
I am proud to say that I now have several extremely close female friends.这些友谊证明了我的成长和成熟，and,perhaps more than anything,to the amazing example my daughter has set.
阅读更多：
Uncovering My Grandmother's Traumatic Past
我很容易不成为犹太人，But This Is Why I Am
