Dear Gefilte,
How do I handle giving up Christmas for my Jewish partner?
~ Not-so-Merry
READ: I Want to Celebrate Christmas,但我丈夫没有
Dear NSM,
By any chance,你和莫伊谢尔睡了吗？Grinch?Your partner needs a swift kick from Santa's boot and a night sleeping in the crèche.
好啊，that wasn't very Christian of me.或犹太人，穆斯林，贵格会教徒,摩门教徒or Gefiltianistic of me.After all,I think,“照他们对你所做的去对待别人，”在每一个宗教领域都有一个客串，doesn't it?
Here's the thing.I know we're in the final countdown until Dasher and Blitzen get here,但是坐下来讨论圣诞节对你意味着什么从来都不晚，以及你们想一起庆祝的方式。You should also hear your partner out on why Christmas is a no-go for him/her.
你玩过吗？我们还有五个小时在车里。我们要玩什么游戏？I'm Going on a Picnic?它有很多变化，我敢肯定，but the way we play it in the Gefilte minivan is by saying:
I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing along…
anA普普尔
aBalloon
aCheetah named Luigi
等。
The idea is to get each person you're traveling with to take the next letter in the alphabet and add to your list of picnic supplies.
NSM,你和一个犹太伙伴在这疯狂的人生旅程中。所以是时候决定你想带什么走了，为什么呢？
例如，你真的喜欢扶轮社的新鲜杉树吗？The felt stockings stuffed with bubble bath pods?你是喜欢听颂歌还是在午夜弥撒时发抖的人？Socks with treads and steamed eggnog?
Figuring this out is really the hardest part of growing up—besides the hair in the armpits thing,which I still find miraculous yet terrifying.NSM,you are taking on a huge task and it's thorny at times.在创造一个新的未知的未来的同时，分享你的一些过去是很有挑战性的。
我会告诉你一个小故事，关于我在这次讨论中失败的尝试。When Mr.Gefilte and I were planning our wedding,我们谈了一谈要放什么音乐。He wanted to walk down the aisle to the classic crowd-pleaser,《99个问题》作者：Jay-Z。For those unfamiliar with the lyrics,合唱是：
阅读：我是如何把圣诞老人从我孩子的学校里除名的（并引发了媒体丑闻）
If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son
我有99个问题，但不是一个婊子。
先生。Gefilte insisted that if we played just the opening chords or even an instrumental version,people would find it hilarious and creative.
I said no.
He asked why not?
I said my Uncle Murray would recognize the opening chords and be offended.
只是有点背后说：当时我叔叔默里84岁，and while he was hip enough to wear bolo ties and fanny packs and shop at Fairway for olives,他不可能知道杰伊是谁。但穆尔叔叔是我家族的元老政治家，因为我的父母都已经去世了，and that was really what I was balking at.I desperately wanted my parents' approval of this marriage,and I didn't know how to start this new phase of my life without them there.
所以我建议用jay-z代替jay-z，我们以库尔和黑帮的“庆祝”开始庆祝活动。那首歌的副歌是：
庆祝美好时光，come on!
Pretty innocuous,我想。Pretty corny,先生。盖菲尔特说。
When I asked why we couldn't use it,he answered,“因为那不是yourfavorite song.那是你的妈妈的最喜欢的歌。”
图切Monsieur Poissonballe.
Here's a beautiful thought from Buddhist nun and guru,Pema Chodron：
"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with.我们对自己看得很清楚，很有同情心，我们对观察别人的眼睛感到自信和无畏。”
NSM,you can start with looking into your partner's forehead or even shoulder girdle.就在脸的某个地方。And ask things like:
你为什么点汉库卡蜡烛？
你为什么在赎罪日斋戒？
Why do you keep gefiltes jarred for years when they just want to run free?
然后让你的伴侣回到你身边，对你自己的行为和信仰提出一些为什么的问题。Warning: These can take years to answer,even with an emotional thesaurus.
有希望地，一旦你探索了苏格拉底的方法足够长的时间，you can find some traditions to bring along,and some to surrender.And maybe you can make up new ones together that encompass the ideals of both your upbringings.例如：
-serve a turkey dinner at a soup kitchen
-give away old ornaments to neighbors as gifts
-get a jar and fill it with wishes for your partner in the new year
-reenact Star Wars for the extended family
-make a Jay-Z/Kool & the Gang playlist and belt it out
Whatever you do,dear NSM,请务必携带：
aDream,
anE氩烛，and
Figgy Pudding,不管是什么。
快乐快乐健康快乐！
有了爱和施马尔茨，
盖菲特
Have a question for Gefilte?Send it todeargefilte@苹果beplaykveller.com,and you might just get an answer.
