“你走在街上，然后注意到我的餐馆，”我女儿，我喜欢称之为热门人物，指引我一个下雪的冬日。She was three at the time,开始认真对待她想象中的戏。我跟着她，假装吃豆腐和花椰菜（真的是一堆木块），而她却给我带来了无形的零钱，我还没付。

“我长大后要去一家素食餐馆，”过了一会儿她说。"You and Momma can come whenever you want and you don't have to pay."

"Wonderful!" I beam,感觉到我老了一定会得到照顾。

但是娜娜“不能来，”Hot Shot迅速补充道，giving me a knowing look.“你知道，'cause she's Christian."

尖叫声。那是父母的轮子滑过我的大脑的声音。

"How come Christians can't eat in your restaurant?" I ask in my nonchalant voice,which I'm told is about an octave higher than my regular voice.

“因为这是一家素食餐馆，”她随便回答，她的注意力主要集中在一罐热菜上。“基督徒吃肉，”她回答说，只是对我的无知有点乏味。

“噢，”我叹了口气，终于明白了。This is not discrimination;这是身份纠葛。

Identity Mix-Up

It's bound to happen occasionally.我的孩子有很多身份需要平衡；they are the black,Jewish,adopted children of white lesbian mothers，and part of a family with multiple generations of宗教间婚姻on both sides.哦，我们也是素食主义者。所有这些来源的文化投入，it's easy for lines to get crossed.发现相似之处和不同之处，学会从一种情况下归纳到另一种情况下-这就是学步的孩子所做的。如果你不小心，很快你就会得到一本文化规则书，上面写着：我妈妈的光蜡烛onShabbat因为他们是女同性恋；I'm the only kid who doesn't get to keep the water gun party favor because I have brown skin;我祖母吃肉是因为她是基督徒。

我整理了一份我们认识的人的名单，identifying each as Jewish,基督教的，Muslim,or Buddhist,and then make note of their eating habits.从那里我们可以看到我们可以做出什么样的概括。我们所知道的大多数素食者都是犹太人，and most of the Christians we know are carnivores,但很明显，based on our sample,宗教不是肉食状况的可靠预测指标。

"And besides," I say to Hot Shot,“吃肉的人仍然可以在素食餐馆吃饭。他们不必每顿饭都吃肉。”

"Okay,Nana can come," she shrugs."Now can we stop talking and play?"

A Boost of Judaism

促进多种身份的积极发展是我们作为父母的任务，and if we're doing it well,偶尔我们可以把纵队排成一行。For the first three years of Hot Shot's life I worked at a community center where a racially diverse crowd of kids joined us for homework help everyday after school.我的搭档经常在中间停下来，因为我们可以看到她在一个房间里，因为她并不突出。在某个地方，大姑娘们不碰她的头发，也不打听她的玉米穗或珠子就宠爱她。

当我最终离开这个职位去犹太教堂工作时，我哀悼社区中心失去了提供给我的机会：成为少数族裔的机会。What I didn't realize was that my work at the temple would offer the same boost to her犹太身份；我对犹太文化的浸透使我们的生活变得犹太化，我们以前没有意识到我们曾经失踪过。在一年的时间里，热门话题不再是告诉我们她长大后会成为基督徒，享受偷看的机会Torah和我们一起Rabbi，问我们能不能坐在她前排蝙蝠米兹，and to understanding that we eat查拉，her most treasured treat,只有一个原因：我们是犹太人。

When the time came for Hot Shot to begin pre-K at theJewish day school她已经做好了成为拉比的准备。开学前，她和我的搭档去买了所需用品的清单，includingkoshersnacks to contribute to the weekly Shabbat party stash.Hot Shot首次进入寻找犹太食品的世界，这让她对最新的犹太知识充满了兴趣。When I came home from work that day she proudly showed me the Orthodox Union symbol (a "U" encircled by an "O") on each of the boxes of cinnamon graham crackers.“他们是犹太教徒！”她激动地说。

“纸巾也是，”我的搭档笑着补充道。

My quizzical look was answered as Hot Shot dragged me into the front room where her pile of supplies was stacked.Each item–tissues,标记，pencils,glue sticks–had been marked carefully,in permanent marker,with the encircled "U."

"What did you do?" I asked,成功地抑制了我的笑声。

"I made them all Kosher!" she shouted,excitement dancing her around the room."Jews can use them!"

可以，so some of the lines are still crossed.