This might sound ridiculous,but I rank my friends.这不是竞争，middle-school type of ritual;rather,it's a way of thinking that helps me avoid friend drama,which—in my humble opinion—is usually caused by mismatched friend expectations,或者我称之为“友谊观”
This all started a few summers ago when two of my girlfriends were partying it up at every concert,cookout,and festival.Their 苹果beplayFacebook posts made feel a mixture ofFOMO还有一种排斥感，两种感觉我处理得不好。At all.
当我坐在起居室的时候，scrolling through their pics,I felt like a loser,and wondered if I evenhad任何朋友——一个愚蠢的想法，sure,但那该死的福莫很强大！所以，I opened the notes app on my phone,and started making a friend list.After I finished,I noticed two things: Yes Joanne,you have friends,andalso,they're all different kinds of friends.
This no-shit realization led my little OCD brain to divide them into categories:
Family/lifetime friends
These are the people you'd give an organ to—ones who walk through life with you,从好到坏。If a crisis should arrive,you can expect them to get on an international flight and be there the next day.These are relationships in which love is unconditional.
Close friends
你经常和这些朋友联系。They know your issues and will circle back with you if you're going through a bad patch.You can expect them to offer you help during a crisis;and while in these relationships,爱不是无条件的，你几乎总是会给彼此带来怀疑的好处。
Hang-out friends
每隔一段时间，you'll meet these friends out for dinner to catch up on life.当你处于困境时，不要指望他们会支持你（因为你不是最优先考虑的人，and that's ok),but do expect them to care and empathize.To put it bluntly,他们一定会出现在你的葬礼上。
Nice-to-see-you friends
These are basically acquaintances;people you don't make plans with,but enjoy running into at a party or event.These friends probably won't do you any favors,可能不在乎你是否情绪低落，不一定要值得信赖。
Turns out that at the time I made the list,the FOMO girls fell into the "Hang-out friends" group;and as I thought about what that meant,I realized that my expectations were too high—I hadn't placed them in the proper category.
这让我感觉好多了，because I could make sense of why I wasn't invited—it wasn't about me being left out,而是我们的友谊没有统一。
Right now,I don't keep an active friend list on my notes app,but whenever I feel left-out or annoyed with a friend,I ask myself if my friendspectations are appropriate.This helps me avoid unnecessary drama,enables me to be honest with myself,and to be kinder to my inner circle— because no one has the capacity to treat every friend like a lifetime or close friend.
A little update: since that summer,the "FOMO girls" have moved up in my ranking.In fact,I even shared my system with them,解释说他们是它的推动力。
令人震惊的是，我还在继续their朋友名单！
