未来三十年，我想象自己走在一条繁忙的街道上。我所有的孩子都长大了，也许有自己的孩子，我妻子和我一个人在家。
在这个愿景中，I see myself on a business trip halfway across the country.当我离开旅馆前往目的地时，我盯着一个陌生人，但他身上的某些东西看起来很熟悉。我们交换眼神，但继续我们忙碌的生活。但我知道我以前见过那些眼睛。
做一个寄养父母意味着在一条充满挑战的道路上旅行。除了照顾一个孩子的所有正常困难外，每个寄养孩子都要承担额外的负担。鉴于大多数寄养儿童在其早期生活中都经历过忽视和/或虐待的创伤，仅仅提供无条件的爱和支持是一项微妙的任务。ios下载beplay
但是除了这些已知的挑战之外，还有未知的挑战：学习如何在你如此努力的工作之后分离的不可完成的任务。
如果你觉得需要照顾寄养儿童，你对待那个孩子就像对待你的亲生孩子一样。You pour out all or your love,你的耐心，你所有的关心。但是，at a moment's notice,this child—a defenseless being—can be compelled by outside institutional forces to leave,hopefully to reunite with a biological family member.这就是目标，but also a foster parent's agony: We feel bonded and connected with a child whom we may hope to love forever.
而且，过了一会儿，the child is gone.
Of course,培养的目标通常是让亲生家庭成员与其子女团聚。Foster parents should,of course,为亲生父母的成功而努力，并希望他们能够满足法庭要求，让孩子回家。尽管如此，如果你觉得法院决定把孩子送回家庭是一个过早的决定，那么会有更大程度的痛苦，or worse.
In my family's experience,one of our foster children moved into a drug rehab facility.母亲变得干净了，这是多么美妙啊，很难想象这个孩子住在那个机构里。I still grasp for answers,though they never seem to appear.
根据我自己的经验，我还没有完全掌握学习去依附和脱离我幸运地抚养的孩子的精神艺术。但我已经长大了。
The wisdom from Thích Nhất Hạnh,a Buddhist Zen master and peace activist,has been helpful.Looking at a pile of orphan photographs for a charity project,他冥想直到，"I no longer see an ‘I' who translates the sheets to help each child,I no longer see a child who received love and help.孩子和我是一体的：没有人怜悯；no one asks for help;no one helps.没有任务，没有社会工作要做，没有同情心，no special wisdom."
Big questions reside in the practice of fostering a child: Am I the child's savior or simply her caregiver?我是这个孩子的救命恩人还是只是他的临时管家？
不把自己看作这个孩子的救世主是至关重要的。更确切地说，这些孩子一直是我灵魂的一部分，whether they remain with me and my family or whether they return.
From my own Jewish tradition,关于信仰和信任这两个概念有很多智慧，艾默纳和bitachon.It is not a blind faith when we let the child go,nor is it a complete trust in the case plan.相反，it is a cautious faith,a tentative trust.We never know for sure what is best for the child,but we try our hardest to place infinite trust in the process.我们学会放手。即使孩子不在我们家，爱仍留在我们的心里。与其放弃这种爱，任务是把它引导到我们的其他孩子或一个新的寄养孩子那里。
事实是，在生活中，我们总是不得不放手。Whether it is dropping off a child at college,或者远离兄弟姐妹，or sitting at a loved one's deathbed,there are valuable and difficult moments during our lives when we have to let our hearts be open even when we don't see someone as often as we'd like.让自己变得脆弱是一种斗争。But "to love is to be vulnerable," as C.S.刘易斯写道。“爱任何东西，你的心都会被拧得粉碎。”
Indeed,we see our foster child,and we let him see us.如果我们中的任何一个人受到祝福，欢迎一个寄养的孩子进入我们的家，愿他或她来爱我们，我们来爱他们。“爱和失去总比不爱好，”阿尔弗雷德说，Lord Tennyson once famously wrote.Indeed, when the moments call for us to lay down our spiritual armor,我们所能做的就是敞开心扉，继续服务。
也许有一天，I will pass a man in the street.给彼此温柔的微笑给陌生人，neither of us will recognize one another.For the brief moment,our eyes lock.我知道我以前见过这些眼睛。然后，通过一个普通人无法理解的过程，我们的灵魂将连接起来。Our souls will know that we once lay on the floor singing the alphabet together.That we enjoyed cuddling and exploring the vastness of the backyard.我们分享了眼泪和笑声。That we shared happy times with kisses and hugs.这个事实就足够了。And I pray every day that this will be enough.In this passing moment,this stranger and I will be one.We will have led different lives,但我们将有一个共同的过去。We may have forgotten each other's faces,但决不是彼此的精神。这种爱将永远持续下去。
