In the past few years, Jordana Horn provided us this “Parent’s Vidui”–a list of collective apologies specifically geared for parents during Yom Kippur. This year, Yom Kippur begins at sundown on Wednesday, September 15.
TheYom Kippurprayer known as theVidui, or Confessional, is one in which each Jewish congregation stands up and collectively takes responsibility for its sins. Regardless of whether or not we ourselves have committed a given wrongdoing, we confess to it and thump our chest in contrition. We do so collectively so as to not shame those who have done these things, and to facilitate their admission and recognition of their wrongdoing.
Too often, theprayeris recited as rote–we read the words, but do not feel them. Therefore, I’d like to posit The Parent’s Vidui. These are all based on the traditional translations of the Vidui text, altered to place emphasis on how we treat our kids. You may not have done everything in this list, though certainly each of us is guilty of something.
This is a collectiveapology, to our community and to our children. We confess and hopefully will turn to a new path of better parenting in the year to come.
Ashamnu– We have trespassed onto our children’s privacy and independence byhovering.
Bagadnu– We have done improper things, and have convinced ourselves that our actions were in our childrens’ best interests.
Gazalnu– We have robbed our children by not giving themour full attentionwhen we are with them.
Dibarnu dofi– We have恶毒地说of others, and have done it in front of our children.
He’evinu– We have caused our children to sin by not showing them the right way to act.
V’hirshanu– We have caused others to do evil by encouraging our child’s bad behavior.
Zadnu– We have scorned the honor of our ownparents.
Hamasnu– We have touched our children in一个ger.
Tafalnu sheker– We have venerated and associated ourselves with people who are poor role models for our children.
Yaatznu ra– We have given our children bad advice.
Kizavnu– We havelied, whether for a good reason or not.
Latsnu– We have scoffed atJewish traditions一个d have ignored who we really are.
Maradnu– We have rebelled by going against our Jewish heritage and failing toexplore waysto make it mean more to us.
Niatsnu– We have usedprofane languagein front of our children.
Sararnu– We haveyelledat our children for being disobedient, but have been disobedient ourselves.
Avinu– We have intentionally done things wrong, knowing that they’re wrong and not caring about the consequences for our children.
Pashanu– We have denied Judaism in our homes.
Tzararnu– We have stirred the pot ofgossipagainst our fellow parents and have encouraged bad feelings between parents.
Kishinu oref– We have been stubborn with our children when we should have been flexible.
Rashanu– We have acted as though the rules of our homes do not apply to us.
Shichatnu—We have let ourselves be angry, and become angry more easily than we become calm.
Tiavnu– We have worshipped idols of materialism and superficiality and have taught our children to venerate them as well.
助教'inu– We have gone astray and have been an unworthy example for our children.
Teetanu –We have gone astray deliberately, because of having chosen to do so, and cannot see the parallel between our childrens’ behavior and our own.
Sarnu– We have deliberately turned away from respecting authority, yet we expect our children torespect us.
For more on Yom Kippur,teach your kids how to apologize, learnthe importance of introspection, and makethis “whale of a snack” with your kids.
