This post is part of Mayim'smonth-long series关于离婚的犹太方面。
As a woman who is observant-ish and has led an observant lifestyle,divorce presents some very interesting challenges.I don't know that I am yet ready to present my personal decisions about some of these challenges,but I wanted to share what the challenges are in hopes that other women might find them helpful.
Jewish weddings are held in a religious ceremony that has its own set of laws and rituals.犹太人的婚礼是用
ketubah
,a marriage contract ensuring protection for the woman in case of mistreatment,neglect,或拒绝权利，比如——不是开玩笑——你丈夫对性生活感到满意的权利。犹太教是最早制作文件的宗教之一（数千年前，注意了）这使女人的权利受到尊重，so it's a very big deal.
一个
get
is the legal way of releasing the husband from his contract.历史上，男人可以娶几个女人，所以关键是把她从工会中解放出来。getis a written document that has to be composed by asofer(scribe) in the presence of aBeit Din(court of Jewish law).讽刺的是，men are the ones who grant aget,even if a woman is the one who initiates it.这导致了无数的女性
agunot
“或”被禁锢的妇女“，不允许从他们的婚姻合同中释放，以及，因此，unable in religious circles to remarry or have children without their children being deemed illegitimate if their husbands don't want to let them be free.一团糟，and I actually narrated a documentary about the lengths some women go to get aget.It's called "没有束缚的女人“这是一部非常好的纪录片。
Anyway.There are ways to protect yourself from becoming a "chained woman" and many Orthodox rabbis are creatinghalakhicprenuptials so that this situation does not happen.但假设你不是一个宗教女性。Why should you care about aget?
First of all,这个halakhicprenuptial should be included in everyketubah,no matter the couple's denomination,since you never know where you will end up religiously (really,you don't),and it doesn't hurt to have this extra tiny bit of protection just in case.
Second of all,civil divorce is lengthy and can be legally complicated and miserable,and a civil divorce is mainly nuts and bolts.一旦你完成离婚文件和子女监护协议，you are done and simply wait for your divorce to go through.在加利福尼亚州，we wait six months after filing for a divorce to be final.
In contrast,aget程序是一种心理和情感的完成。一个getis performed by a select group of rabbis who create aBeit Din,typically in a synagogue,他们在一个历史和情感真实的环境中完成了离婚。“关闭”这个词对我来说从来没有比get诉讼程序。It provides a tremendous sense of closure for both parties.正如你按照摩西和以色列的法律结婚一样，你会离婚吗？
When people tell me,"Oh,I could never sit in a room with my ex for that amount of time.That's ridiculous," it makes me think of what a powerful thing it would be if throughout divorce proceedings,we almost-divorcees conducted ourselves in a manner which would eventually lead us to aget诉讼程序。Meaning,what if your interactions were all predicated on the fact that at the end of it all,you would sit in a room for 90 minutes and watch your divorce contract be written?Would you curse at each other as much leading up to it?Would you try and draw things out,or would you look for the simplest and kindest resolutions as you could?考虑到如果你和别人一起分享孩子的话，那么这么多年来你都必须在一起，那么礼貌和文明难道不是一个很好的习惯吗？
Thegetprocess is the last joint venture you partake in as a couple,but it's a great model for your future relationship,especially if you have kids together.I'm not advocating for sitting nicely and demurely in a room with a man who abused you or your children;I am simply pointing out that those cases aside,if you can't imagine sitting for 90 minutes in a room with your ex,作为你的共同父母，你打算在接下来的几年里如何表现自己？
Thegetprocess,like much of Judaism,forces you to not run from grief.It's the mourning process for your marriage,and just like the period of
shiva
这是犹太人在配偶死后所守的七天，孩子，parent,或者兄弟姐妹，这个get让你有悲伤的空间，a place to put your grief,and a set of rituals designed to help you through it.
For more information on the halakhic prenup,单击此处.
For the documentary I narrated,单击此处.
For a great piece on recent news in halakhic prenuptials,单击此处.
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